Introduction
In Indian tradition a wedding is not just a ceremony but a samskara: two people, and with them two families, bound into a new responsibility. The seven steps of saptapadi, the rounds of the sacred fire, kanyadaan and the blessings are all parts of this samskara.
The Dharmasindhu notes that a daughter's childhood samskaras could be done without mantras, but the wedding is performed with mantras. Tradition, in other words, treats marriage as a full samskara with its complete rite.
First of all: your family's kul tradition comes first. North and south, east and west, wedding customs differ everywhere, and all are beautiful. This page explains how the Muhūrta-cintāmaṇi chooses the time of a wedding, so that the pandit's words are easier to follow.
The months for a wedding
The Muhūrta-cintāmaṇi (Vivāha-prakaraṇa 13) gives the wedding months by the Sun's sign. A wedding is considered good when the Sun is in:
Mesha, Vrishabha, Mithuna, Vrishchika, Makara and Kumbha.
Roughly, that is mid-April to mid-July, mid-November to mid-December, and mid-January to mid-March. The text allows some exceptions: with the Sun in Mithuna up to Ashadha Shukla Dashami, and under certain conditions in Kartik, Pausha and Chaitra too.
Many families hold no weddings from Devshayani Ekadashi to Devuthani Ekadashi, the chaturmas. That is tradition, and it is why the wedding season begins after Devuthani Ekadashi. The pandit also avoids the days when Jupiter or Venus is combust.
Nakshatra, tithi and weekday
The Muhūrta-cintāmaṇi (Vivāha-prakaraṇa 55) gives, for a wedding:
- Nakshatras: Mrigashira, Hasta, Mula, Anuradha, Magha, Rohini, Revati, Uttara Phalguni, Uttara Ashadha, Uttara Bhadrapada and Swati, provided they are not "pierced" (viddha) by a planet.
- Tithis: all except the Riktā tithis (Chaturthi, Navami, Chaturdashi) and Amavasya.
- Weekdays: by the commentary, Monday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday.
The rest of the panchang is read too: the Vyatipata and Vaidhriti yogas and the time of Bhadra are left out. Then tara bala and chandra bala are checked for both bride and groom.
The lagna and godhuli
Once the day is fixed, the time of the pheras is chosen by the lagna. The Muhūrta-cintāmaṇi gives many rules for the wedding lagna, as well as the general rule for all auspicious work: the 8th and 12th from the lagna should be empty, and the Moon should be 3rd, 6th, 10th or 11th from it. The lagna changes roughly every two hours, which is why the pandit often names a particular time at night.
The text (Vivāha-prakaraṇa 99) praises the godhuli hour highly: the dusk when cows return from grazing and the dust rises. It says the sages called godhuli good for all work, and that many smaller points are not separately checked in it. In many regions the custom of pheras at godhuli comes from this.
Where kundli matching fits
In North India ashtakoot matching is done before a wedding: eight kootas, 36 gunas in all. ePandit's ashtakoot-milan page explains it in detail. Its most important point is worth repeating here: the guna score alone does not decide any marriage.
Mangal dosha is also part of matching, and it has many exemptions, which our mangal-dosha page explains calmly. Matching is helpful information. The two people's nature, understanding and mutual respect, and the families' agreement, matter far more.
सुरक्षा पहले (Safety first)
- Legal age and consent: in India the bride must be at least 18 and the groom at least 21, and both must freely consent. No old rule stands above this.
- No dowry: giving or taking dowry is against the law.
- Care near the fire: during the pheras keep lehengas, sarees, stoles and the sehra away from the flame; keep water or sand nearby, and keep children away from the havan-kund.
- Heat and fatigue: in long ceremonies make sure the couple and elders get water, food and rest. If there is a fast, keep health in mind.
- Doctor first: if anyone feels unwell, the doctor is the first help; the muhurta can move.
- No pressure: don't accept pressure to buy an expensive ritual or a gem in the name of the wedding.